Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
