Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
