i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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