being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
