After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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