I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You smell like stripper and shame
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
