I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize
