you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
