he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
