that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
