pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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