he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
