Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
