just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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