you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
