I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
