I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
