I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
