So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
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He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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