Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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