Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
