You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
