There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
a search helicopter?!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
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