Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
