You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
