Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
