Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
