i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
