note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
