Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
