I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
