I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
