my vag is so smooth its legendary
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
