I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
