she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
