Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
