I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We need to get me chipped asap
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
