took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
