how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pee around me
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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