I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
