Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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