she looked like the before picture.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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