Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
