So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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