I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
