So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
