is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
