Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
