If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame