So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize