I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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