Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
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he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
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If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.