my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?