I like to think it a success when the cops are called
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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