I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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