Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
