Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
