It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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