dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
