now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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