Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
