just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize