ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
