And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
