she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
