i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
