Her vagina should come with caution tape.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
not ubering you a puppy
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
