I want to make a zoo with you.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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