i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
