In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
