I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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