There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
