you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
